Today we begin an important section of Paul’s letter to the Corinthians. From this point on, the apostle answers the questions the Corinthians themselves had asked him. Up to now, Paul had mostly been pouring out his heart and speaking about problems he had seen himself or had been told about. But beginning with chapter seven, he answers their questions directly.
There is a good example for us in this. One of the reasons I wanted to hold a joint Bible study every month is precisely this — so that we can speak about the topics that matter to you today, as you face all kinds of questions in life.
Further on in the letter, Paul moves from one subject to another. First he speaks about marriage and divorce. Then about whether the betrothed and widows should marry in the difficult times they lived in (1 Cor. 7:25–40). After that he discusses food sacrificed to idols (1 Cor. 8:1–11:1). Then, from chapters twelve through fourteen, he speaks about spiritual gifts. In chapter fifteen he answers the question of bodily resurrection, and in chapter sixteen he speaks about the collection.
A Brief Reminder
Before we work through our passage, let me briefly remind you of what was covered at the end of chapter six.
One of the great problems in Corinth was sexual immorality, which was very widespread in that city. Expressions such as “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food” became a way of reducing sexual relations to a mere bodily need, without any moral limits. Paul sternly condemns this thinking, showing that the body is meant for the Lord. When a person joins himself to another in intimacy, the two become one body, as Scripture says — but this is permissible only within a real marriage.
Paul’s main point was this: you were bought with a price. And that price was the costliest of all — it cost God his only Son. Therefore your bodies belong to God and are to be kept pure for serving him.
Many in Corinth could have understood this to mean: “If intimacy is so dangerous, then perhaps it is better to have no sexual relations at all and to live in singleness, like Paul.”
In the ancient world, views of marriage, intimacy, and divorce often swung from one extreme to another — from licentiousness to asceticism. Some treated sexual relations lightly and divorced easily; others considered singleness spiritually higher than marriage and looked on marriage as something less spiritual. Paul rejects both extremes and shows that both marriage and singleness are gifts, to be lived out for the glory of God.
Paul answers these questions in this way:
- If a person wants to remain single, that is good — and later in this chapter he will explain why.
- But because of the danger of immorality, it is better to marry than to remain single and burn with passion. Singleness is not for everyone — it is a special gift from God.
- But if a person is already married, then husband and wife have obligations toward each other, and they cannot simply decide to live as single people within marriage, because that too is wrong.
Marriage — Because of Immorality (vv. 1–2)
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. (1 Cor. 7:1–2)
These verses contain clear and very practical instruction. Paul simply says: marry, because there is the danger of immorality. A little later he will add that he says this not as a command, as though everyone absolutely must marry.
Of course, he is not claiming that marriage exists only so that there would be no immorality. In other places the Bible shows other reasons for marriage as well: the bearing of children, mutual support, help, and shared life. But one of the practical reasons for marriage is precisely “because of immorality.”
We will speak about this in more detail later, but for now let’s keep reading.
A Debt to One Another (vv. 3–5)
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Cor. 7:3–5)
Now Paul addresses those who are married and says: “Do not deprive one another.” The word translated here as “conjugal rights” carries in Greek the idea of a debt or an obligation. In a sense, Paul is saying that husband and wife are debtors to one another in marriage.
And again, remember the context. Paul has just said “because of immorality.” So if spouses deprive one another of intimacy or begin to manipulate one another in this area, they are not helping their spouse. On the contrary, as verse five says, they may be helping Satan to strengthen the temptation.
I don’t think much needs to be said here, because these verses are very clear in themselves. Married people understand well how such problems can arise in marriage — how one spouse may manipulate the other by withholding intimacy. So be watchful: do not help Satan tempt your spouse, but rather help one another resist temptation, as Paul teaches here.
Singleness — a Special Gift (vv. 6–9)
Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Cor. 7:6–9)
Here it is important to notice that Paul says plainly: singleness is not for everyone; it is a special gift from God.
What does this mean? It means that a person who has this gift does not live in constant, strong burning of passions, and so it is easier for him to remain single and devote himself to serving God, as Paul did.
Remember: singleness does not make a person some kind of “elite” Christian. No — it is simply a gift, like any other gift from God. And gifts are given for the service of the church.
Paul most likely understood that he could not at the same time be a good husband and carry out the heavy apostolic ministry God had given him — constantly travelling, living in different places, enduring persecution, beatings, imprisonment, and even stoning. To combine the two would simply have been impossible.
To Those Who Want to Marry
We could end here, but I think it would be wrong not to say something to one more group. If you are not married, perhaps you are thinking: “I very much want to marry, but the people I like don’t want to marry me. I don’t want to live a single life and I don’t think I have that gift — but marrying isn’t working out for me either.”
There can be many reasons for this. Sometimes a person really is trying, but for one reason or another has not yet met the right person. Unfortunately, I cannot give you “five secret steps” to getting married. There are no secret formulas here.
The Bible gives simple principles, and it mostly says more about whom you should not marry than about exactly whom you should marry. For example, Christians should marry only Christians. As verse thirty-nine of this chapter says: “…she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39).
This means that a person must himself want to marry this particular person; he cannot be forced. That is, at the very least, both must want to marry each other. In other words, if you have found a person you like, and that person is a believer, then you are free to marry. You do not need to wait for some special revelation beyond what Scripture already says plainly.
But from my own experience, I can name a few common reasons that often keep people from marrying.
First, an unrealistic view of yourself and unrealistic expectations of the person you want to marry.
I remember a brother in Armenia who just could not get married. When we asked him why, he answered: “Well, I’m trying, but the ones I propose to don’t want me.” So we asked whom exactly he had been proposing to, and after he named a few names, it became very clear that he had a wrong grasp of reality — both about himself and about the people he was pursuing. Sadly, he is still unmarried and has never found the person of his dreams.
In such situations it is helpful to talk with someone you trust and ask whether your expectations are realistic. And, by the way, that person should not be your mum. It should be a close friend, a pastor, or someone who will honestly tell you the truth and not merely flatter you.
But we must also speak of the opposite extreme. Some people, on the contrary, think too lowly of themselves and are afraid even to approach anyone, because they are sure they will be rejected anyway. And again — it is important to talk with someone you trust, who can honestly tell you the truth and at whom you won’t take offence.
Second, perhaps you are not conducting yourself as a spiritually mature person.
If you do not take part in the life of the church and do not serve others, people may be afraid to bind their lives to yours, because they are unsure of your spiritual direction. Of course, in some cases you may attract people who are just as spiritually immature, but that is not good either. Usually, though, in the church people are naturally drawn to those who actively serve the Lord. You cannot expect a person who lives in a worldly way and is spiritually immature to be attractive to a spiritually mature believer.
So before focusing too much on marriage, first put your spiritual life in order. Begin to serve in the church. Be active. Use your gifts. Often, when a person serves faithfully, people begin to notice him naturally.
Third, sometimes people pay no attention at all to their appearance — how they dress, how they speak — or, on the contrary, fall into the other extreme and focus too much on appearance, forgetting the inner person. Both extremes can be a problem, especially in a church setting.
This is probably the first time I am quoting the Song of Songs, but notice how the Bible describes the way the bride and groom see each other. Appearance matters too, and the Bible nowhere tells the young — the bride and groom — that we ought to look bad and that only the inner person matters. (The inner person, by the way, is not always easy to discern at once — people can be deceived quite easily.)
In Song of Songs 4:1–4 the appearance is described:
Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes that have come up from the washing, all of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost its young. Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil. Your neck is like the tower of David, built in rows of stone; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors. (Song 4:1–4)
Not only the appearance, but even the bride’s glance is mentioned:
You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. (Song 4:9)
And even the way she speaks:
Your lips drip nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue; the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon. (Song 4:11)
So it is clear that the Bible describes outward beauty too — and is not embarrassed to do so when it comes to the bride and groom.
So here is my advice to young people who want to marry.
- Have realistic expectations and be willing to look beyond appearance. I understand that some people have certain important requirements, and that is fine. But if your list of must-haves is too long, it will most likely become a problem for you.
- Don’t be passive. Begin to serve in the church. Take part. Help others. Use your gifts to serve the Lord. People will notice you.
- Take care of your appearance, and especially of the way you speak. You don’t need expensive clothes or jewellery — you just need to look clean and tidy. And we should always watch our speech: not to speak empty and foolish words, but to speak with grace, in a way that builds others up.
Conclusion
As I bring today’s sermon to a close, I want to return once more to Paul’s simple and practical instructions.
- If you want to remain single and believe you have that gift, that is good, and there are many advantages in it. Later in this chapter we will speak about this further.
- But if you do not want to live a single life — and especially if you do not have that gift — then, because of immorality, as Paul says, it is better to marry than to remain single and burn with passion.
- This applies also to those who are already married. If you are married, then you have obligations toward each other, and you should not deprive one another for a long time, because within marriage that is wrong, and the devil will use it to strengthen temptation.
Next time we will continue our discussion and see what Paul says about divorce.
Amen.